Manual A Womans Guide: Recognizing Dangerous Jerks

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More opportunities presented themselves but I refused to participate because I was just so mortified at the idea that someone would see me and laugh. When I finally met my wife in college, she seemed totally oblivious to my problem. I was so relieved that I completely threw myself at her, buying her love with any means possible. After we got married, I noticed that my confidence had been restored. They seemed so much more exciting and salacious than the daily drone of married life.

I started thinking that perhaps if I could just get one more person to accept my little issue, I would be happy. It was with a coworker and it lasted about a month.

The dark triad and the evolutionary psychology of selfish behavior.

The first time it happened, I was so nervous and conflicted—imagine being trapped in a state of concurrent arousal and nausea. I felt literally sick to my stomach from what I was doing. But the sex with her was lustful and passionate. Sex between my wife and me had dwindled significantly.

Every time I tried to initiate it, she turned me down. It was exhausting and frustrating. My wife is also terrified of change so that every time an opportunity presented itself to do something fun and new, she would break down emotionally and retreat into her shell.

Why It Pays to Be a Jerk

I wanted more—I wanted excitement, to see the world, to feel alive. I felt that I was being held back. The excitement of doing something that felt dangerous and good mixed with the humiliation of having to sneak home and shower before my wife got near me was overwhelming. Ultimately, the only thing my coworker and I had in common was sex, and she wisely ended it when I started talking about leaving my wife and kids for her.

I was devastated when the affair ended, but it gave me an opportunity to focus on my family, and I took it as a sign to keep working on my marriage. But the distance between my wife and I had grown so much. I had bouts of depression that caused me to go through a career change, to revamp my whole wardrobe, to even look into circumcision in order to address my condition. And finally, I went back to my old ways: I met a girl online and we fooled around but I backed off before we had sex.

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Months later, I had sex with a married woman. The emotion is thought to have evolved to help prevent disease, but it's being used instead to discriminate against people and things which pose no danger, holding us back in social and evolutionary terms, she argues. She said: "Humans use disgust to protect the status quo, and it has become a default response to anything alien or strange, including new technologies, especially those which involve food or altering nature or the human body.

Another example of disgust being misappropriated is a reluctance to be on an organ donor list, she said. Disgust is a relatively new emotion at only hundreds of thousands of years old, compared to anger and fear, for example, which are thought to be millions of years old. She said: "Disgust is a promiscuous emotion, because it is relatively new. New adaptations tend to be less well-honed than old ones and so are applied to more problems.

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Scientists are confident disgust is a relatively new emotion because it is not seen in other primates and it doesn't appear in humans until relatively late. Dr Fleischman said: "We should evaluate policies, technology and all possible advances to our world by how much they can help society.

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Disgust is no longer a useful guide to what is good and socially acceptable. Repugnance had become the go-to response for a wide range of prejudices, revealing a conditioned response and a failure to think rationally. Experts haven't agreed on the definitive list of emotions humans, but they are thought to include love, fear, sadness, anger, pride, joy, envy and disgust.

a womans guide recognizing dangerous jerks Manual

All except disgust are also seen in our primate cousins. Materials provided by University of Portsmouth. Note: Content may be edited for style and length. Science News.