It aims to set straight and correct the perceptions regarding the addiction of masturbation and pornography. So, feel free to give your inputs and comments in the comments area below. Alternatively, feel free to forward your questions to: salam[at]gsalam. There may be some debates regarding whether or not masturbation is prohibited in Islam.
The fact is that scholars have already made thorough discussions that tackle the issue of masturbation. In normal situations, masturbators find the need to release themselves through masturbation when or after they finish watching materials that arouse their urge for sex. These materials may be explicit pornography, and they may be Hollywood or Bollywood movies.
They can also be merely an unlawful interaction with the opposite gender. The other situation when you may end up masturbating is when you engage in thoughts related to sex, watching or viewing sexual scenes and the likes. Not for masturbation in itself—based on the opinion that sees no prohibition for masturbation, with their conditions—but for involving pornographic materials.
Please read How to Quit the Secret Habit for more details. Whether you agree or you choose to disagree, pornography is harmful. Its harm comes in different dimensions: physical, psychological, social and above all, spiritual. You hardly stay focused in your thoughts, enthusiastic in your physical energy and punctual in your prayers if you are addicted to watching pornography.
Similar or prior to that is the abundant availability of liquor in every corner of the neighbourhoods. But that easy access and abundant availability do not legitimize engaging in zina or consuming liquor. Similar to the above is the easy access and abundance of pornography, to the extent of it being normalized. This can be easily observed in our attitudes towards it. It matters, however, that we take responsibility towards ourselves. For we shall be brought to account for our deeds.
Believers, take care of your own souls. The misguided cannot harm you as long as you are guided. All of you will return to Allah. Then He will make you realize that which you used to do. Sometimes, bad peer pressure can influence in our decision to quit some bad habits. You have to take responsibility, and decide what is good for you and what is not. What is good for you is that which makes your stay in the first part of life a fruitful and renders you productive Muslim and a good vicegerent of Allah. What is good for you also makes your arrival in the second part of life a successful one.
It is also that which makes your legacy a very good one. So fear Allah, O men of understanding, so that you may prosper. Another important fact is that every human has his set of weaknesses and strengths. Therefore, falling for your weakness is not a problem; but failing to pick yourself up and get out of your weakness is a big problem. You are the only one who can help yourself to fix it.
When it comes to watching pornography, and engaging in its related activities, one really needs to exercise some resilience and endure the pains of depriving his heart the desire for the temporal pleasure of watching pornography and engaging in masturbation. In other words, you may read an article which advices from A to Z on how to quit masturbation and pornography, but you still remain unable to quit them. If this is the case, then you should imagine when you are hungry, and you are presented with food, do you feel full by just looking at the food, without eating?
The answer is obviously no. The same thing applies to anyone interested in quitting masturbation and pornography. Intending to quit is one thing. Unless, you are forced against your will to not, no one other than you yourself, can take the action of not doing or practicing masturbation and pornography. You can only make success or achieve your dreams by acting upon what it takes to achieve them. This means, there are a few bold steps you must take, to overcome the complexity that is involved in quitting masturbation and pornography.
The following are 10 suggestions that can help you to overcome the struggle you might be encountering while trying to quit masturbation and pornography. I know you; you already have the strong intention to quit, and you are absolutely sincere about it. However, for the purpose of this article, I find it necessary to emphasize this point here.
When one makes his intention to quit masturbation and pornography, that will be the first step. And remember, the fact that you feel guilty, anytime you find yourself in the habit, is an indication that you are willing to quit. This is exactly when you have to develop a strong intention to quit. If one is addicted to watching pornography, the probability of him having a list of porn sites which he regularly visits is high. However you might have saved them, i. Is that possible? Is it easy to forget them? One of the effective ways to forget about them is to stop visiting porn websites.
You may not forget, but you are also not visiting them. You might have signed up for free newsletters from porn sites. Many email services have Junk folders. The good news is, emails you receive from porn sites usually go to your Junk folders until you whitelist them. If you really want to overcome the complexity of quitting masturbation and pornography, you must unsubscribe from any site that updates you with porn materials and porn related materials.
Your reading this article is an evidence that you are connected to the Internet. Thus, the next step you must take in your pursuit for success in quitting masturbation and pornography is that you take some time out to reflect and review the websites you surf. These are not necessarily porn sites as per se.
But they lead you to them. Or they remind you of them. You know better the sites you surf. At first, you may not initiate the move to searching for porn stuff while surfing the Internet. So, to lead them astray from a natural lifestyle. Again, you know best, the type of websites you constantly, purposely, visit. My house then became a safe space and I was completely off the grid: no internet, no smart phones and no distractions.
After accumulating some sobriety, I did allow myself cable internet. The more you feed your lust, the stronger the cravings will be the next time the temptation returns. Once you stop feeding your lust through hardcore porn and masturbation, you will incline towards feeding it using other means. So, after getting a degree of sobriety from the hardcore pornographic material, you must slowly work towards achieving sobriety of the mind by eliminating these behaviors. Attaining physical sobriety is only the beginning of the recovery process.
Years of exposure to pornography has deeply damaged our hearts and spirits. We have to purify our hearts by increasing our zikr and prayers on the Prophet. Like other forms of addiction, the nature of this problem has only intensified our preexisting poor character. We must confront our selfishness, dishonesty, pride, anger, inconsiderateness and arrogance. This is the heart of recovery; so be sure to work through these steps slowly and carefully with your sponsor. Once I attainted some decent sobriety, I stopped going to meetings and working the program. Why put all that effort in when I no longer watch porn?
I could go on for months without watching it now. So, I went out looking for a spouse again thinking I was cured. I relaxed the strict rules I had imposed on myself, allowed myself masturbation periodically and stopped keeping track of my sobriety date. I grew frustrated, I stopped taking care of my recovery and slowly but surely, I fell right back to the dark place where I started. I had to pick myself up again, recommit to sobriety and started taking active care of myself.
While reasons for committing to sobriety are obvious when your life is out of control, this becomes more challenging as you progress and your temptations are not as intense as they used to be. I am sober today for different reasons. I am sober because I know it takes time to find the right person and I must learn to control my desires — lest I rush into a marriage for lowly reasons.
More importantly, it is because I realize I have to exercise control over my lust even after marriage. I am no longer under the illusion that marriage is some form of unrestricted access to sex which will satiate all my base desires. Sobriety is possible and it is a beautiful thing; I am living proof of that.
Follow what I have outlined above and you will see that change is in fact possible. It will take time: I spent seven years struggling on my own and have been on the SA program for almost three years now with real results. I remind myself of the words of Imam Busiri when I am short on hope, I pray you find comfort in them as well:. Ahmed J. He blogs about his experiences in recovery at Jihad Against Porn. Aslamalaykum Thank you to MM for publishing this; truly grateful. This is such a powerful piece. May Allah reward you. I will be sharing this with a client I know struggling with this issue.
4 Ways to Break a Porn Addiction with Technology.
Jazak Allah khair for this brilliant piece. I am a porn addict and also have weed and cigarette problem. Just to give a quick background about me. I come from a religious family. I memorised Quran by the age of I have 2 degrees and currently working within the health care profession, Alhamdu Lillah. My journey to recovery has been slightly different from you and I wanted to share them. During this period, for the first time in my life, I shared my troubles with my family and friends.
And without even realising, we had created a small kind of support group, where I had apparently assumed a mentor type role. After my first big relapse, for many months, I struggled to gain a foot hold and found myself in long abstinence-relapse-binge cycles. I moved on to tracking my behaviour on spreadsheet format.
This is without a doubt a much better tool where the idea of taking it one day at a time can be applied. I have been tracking my weed, cigarettes and porn habits for the past two years and alhamdu lillah have seen a massive drop. For example I have not smoked a cigarette in 18 months. Those bad behaviours have been replaced with reading books, praying namaz, planning, reading Quran, journaling and building on my relationship with Allah and the people who are important to me. Ultimately, this is the difference between abstinence and recovery.
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One major paradigm shift for me was that Porn was NOT the cause of my problems — it was simply a symptom of the deep spiritual and emotional problems I had. Its always a sign that I am not dealing with my internal problems and I am trying to run away instead of addressing the pains of my heart. It is for this reason that I stopped hating porn. I then found myself not blaming porn for my problems. I became responsible. I understood my weakness. I found that I was able to cry again to my Lord and be weak in front of Him and ask Him for guidance.
I could be weak in front of my family and I found nothing but love and support. I have experienced this to such a level that I now truly know the only way to facilitate other peoples recovery is through love and support. Years and years of addiction cannot be cured over a few days or weeks. It takes a long time to form new habits and relationships. It takes a lot of mistakes. But a much better life is possible, where a person can be much closer to their heart and of course their Creator.
I am on the same boat as the author. Online programs especially the likes of purify your gaze never worked me.
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- Brehms Life of animals : a complete natural history for popular home instruction and for the use of schools;
I had to travel from India to Canada to seek face to face meetings as the virtual meetings were not helping me as I still had to use Internet. I want to remind you of the tradition that we never identify ourselves publicly with SA in press, TV and films, nor does anyone speak for SA. I know the Muslims have their differences on Mutah, but once I discovered it, that works fine for me. This is good advice starting out, but I believe we should seek something real even if its short term.
It would be nice to see a strong anti porn movement coming from the Muslim community, like actually to bring pornography to an end. Your email address will not be published. Leave this field empty. Ever felt frustrated when you were trying to talk to your spouse, your children, your students, or your youth group and they would just not pay attention? This is a prime example of being on autopilot and getting carried away without actually being aware of what is most important in the present moment. In a world of technology and continuous sensory overload, the lines between work and home, friends and family, necessity vs.
Allah-centric have become blurred.
Helping Others Avoid and Overcome Pornography
We are either living in the past or ruminating about the future, and in the process, we are forgetting to live, enjoy, cherish, and make the most of our present moments. For parents, teachers, youth leaders, and anyone in the beautiful role of guiding, teaching, coaching, or mentoring others, we can make a huge difference by modeling Mindfulness ourselves. But where do we start? The answer is to go from autopilot to becoming aware. Being on autopilot is when you are distracted in the present moment, where your mind is wandering into the past or the future, and you are less aware of yourself, surroundings, or others.
Autopilot can actually be pretty helpful for your regular habits. Waking up, brushing your teeth, getting ready for your day, going to school or work — many of the things we do habitually every day can be done more seamlessly without having to think, and that is a good thing. But there are times when you have to learn to turn off your autopilot to become aware. But how? Here is a Mindfulness tool that can be done in just a minute or two for you to become more aware. Step 1 : Breath as a Tool. Say Bismillah. Focus on your breath. See where you experience the breath — the breathing in and breathing out of your body.
Is your breath stemming from your nostrils, your chest, or your stomach? Just bring your attention to your breath and relax and stay with it there for a few moments. Step 2 : Body as a Tool. Relax your body. We carry so many emotions in our bodies 2. Our stress from the past or anticipation for the future sometimes finds its way into our necks, other times in our chest muscles or our backs. Pay attention to what emotions and sensations do you feel, and try to relax all parts of your body. Step 3 : Intention as a Tool. In this present moment? Just simply being aware makes us more mindful parents, teachers, youth and professionals — being aware makes us more Mindful of Allah SWT.
Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of your mind and body and bring your attention to the present moment. You are an on-the-go parent : It has been a long day and you have to pick up the kids from school, but work is still pending. You squeeze pending work in between drop-offs and pick-ups, and you function by living from one task to the next.
4 Ways to Break a Porn Addiction with Technology. | HuffPost
The Mindfulness Suggestion: You can try to go from autopilot to awareness by focusing on your breath, paying attention to your emotions, and relaxing your body. This morning, you woke up early to pick up some classroom supplies after dropping off your own kids to school. You like the idea of Mindfulness, living life in the present moment, and enjoying every day to its fullest, but your mind is not free to even enjoy the beautiful morning sunrise as you drive to school.
You wish you could connect with your students better. The Mindfulness Suggestion: Whenever you are stressed with an unpleasant parent or student interaction, think about breathing, relaxing your body, and asking what you need to focus on now. You are an overstretched youth director : You are a role model. You have this major weekend event you are planning with the youth. Your budget is still pending from the board, you have to call all these people, have to get the graphics and remind everyone about the event, you have to visit all these masjids and MSAs to announce and remind people about the weekend.
However, the whole week you have had a hard time remembering to even pray one Salah with focus. Instead, your mind has been preoccupied with all the endless planning for this weekend. You love what you do but you wonder how to also be mindful in your everyday worship while you are always prepping and planning engaging activities for the youth. The Autopilot Impact: You enjoy shaping the youth but you are losing steam. You are always planning the next program and unable to focus on your own personal and spiritual development.
It is difficult for you to pray even one salah without thinking about all the events and activities planned for that week. The Mindfulness Suggestion: Get serious about taking some time for yourself. Know that becoming more mindful about your own prayers and self-development will also make you a better role model.
Take a minute or two before every Salah to practice the simple, 3-Step Mindfulness Tool. You say Bismillah and breathe, focus your mind, and then relax your body. Mindfulness gives us the ability to be aware. We can use Mindfulness tools to remember Allah , refocus, renew our intentions, and engage with the present moment in a more effective and enjoyable way. Mindfulness also invites awareness of our potential negligence in being our best selves with both Allah and His creation. To put it simply, being more aware of our selves can help us be better versions of our selves.
Mindfulness is both an art and a science, with brain and behavioral science research validating the importance of Mindfulness in improving our health, managing our stress, navigating our emotions, and positively impacting our lives 3. To learn more about how to become mindful take the Define Course on Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence.
When there is a claim of spiritual abuse, the initial reaction of concerned Muslims is often to go to another Muslim leader and expect that leader to take care of it. Most of the time, however, religious leaders in the community have no authority over other religious leaders who are found abusing their position. Many of these leaders feel a foreboding sense of powerlessness to exert change, leaving those who abuse, to do so freely and with impunity. There have been attempts by some leaders to take action against abusive religious figures.
This becomes messy, quickly. There is name-calling, mud-slinging, and threats, but in the end, it amounts to nothing, in the end, leaving everyone involved to make their own decision as to whether or not to continue support for the alleged perpetrator. Other religious leaders may know the accused is guilty, but due to friendships or programs they wish to continue doing with the accused, they will cover for them, especially when there is only a perceived low level of evidence that the public could ever discover it.
In cases of tightly knit groups, whether Sufi tariqas, super Salafi cliques, activist groups, or preachers who have formed a team, the abuser will be protected by a wall of silence, while the victim is targeted, maligned, and ostracized for speaking out against the leader.
- Innuendo (Mills & Boon Blaze).
- Porn Addiction Test!
They, not the abuser, are held accountable, liable, and blamed. More often than not, the victim is intimidated into silence, while the perpetrator is left free to continue abusing. There have been countless situations when there have been legal claims made against a transgressing spiritual leader, but through coercion and pressure, the shaykh or those close to him will be able to convince his victim that they are not allowed to go to kafir court systems to solve issues between Muslims.
It is critical not to fall victim to these arguments. Sometimes, a target of abuse may go to other teachers or other people in the community to seek help, guidance, or direction. The victims hold these teachers in high regard and believe that they can trust them. However, instead of these teachers acting to protect the victims, the victims are often placated, told to pray it away.
They are left with empty platitudes, but nothing concrete is ever done to protect them, nor is there any follow-up. Forgiveness has its place and time, but at that critical moment, when a victim is in crisis and requires guidance and help, their wellbeing should remain paramount. To counsel victims that their primary job and focus at that pivotal juncture is to forgive their abuser is highly objectionable. Forgiveness is not the obligation of the victim and for any teacher or religious leader to invalidate the wrong that took place is not only counterproductive but dangerous——even if the intention behind the advice came from a wholesome place.
It is the duty of Islamic institutions to protect employees, attendees, and religious leaders.