You're cilia than me! Leonard: Sheldon! We have to do this! Sheldon: No. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep us from dying. Everything else is optional! Trinitrotolulene to students is quite appealing. We tried some out in class today, the floor is now the ceiling. You Pb me to believe he's dead.
I Zn he won't survive. Ba in the ground you fool, do you Zn he's still alive? Submitted by Greg W. Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chomatograph suffer from? A: Separation anxiety. Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? A: Febreeze. Q: What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled to every country in the world?
A: A man of many cultures. A methodologist's wife had twins.
50 dark humour jokes for those going through life unoffended and want to change that.
He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. We'll keep the other as a control. Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another.
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A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician were observing an empty building. They noted two people entering the building and sometime later observed three coming out. The biologist remarked, "Oh they must have reproduced. The optimist sees a glass as half full. The pessimist sees it as half empty. The engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist placed the ball in a beaker of water and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial number in his red-rubber-ball table. Q: What do programmers and cats have in common? A: When either one is unusually excited, an appropriate question is "Did you find a bug? Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says "Do you all want something to drink? What did the biologist wear on his first date? Designer jeans. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Can't be done, sorry, it's a hardware problem. Two tectonic plates bump into each other. My fault. A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. I melt whenever I see you! The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through. Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes. Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see? A: A mole of molasses.
That’s not funny
Q: What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule? An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for? Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O? A: Seawater. Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium? A: CoRnY. Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side! Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon. Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it! But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!
He says, "I found you, Newton! They make up everything. Where does bad light land? In Prism. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, "Can I help you with your luggage?
- So if you're looking for a silly pun or a dad joke, you've come to the wrong neighborhood.?
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I'm traveling light. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the Universe. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "Ill have some H Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? A: An itsy bitsy book. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
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They're cheaper than day rates! If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel. Argon walks into a bar The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases in here! Argon doesn't react.
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Where do cows go for entertainment??? Oh yeah, I'm awesome. So a seal walked into a club Want to know something funny? Women's rights. This makes me laugh although I'm one of the biggest feminists out there, and of course, female. This is my all time favorite right here: Why did the girl fall off the swing? Go ahead and tell me it sucks. What's long and sticky? I have so many more but they are mostly dirty lol. Lima replies 12 discussions Registered User Posts: Member. So there's a guy walking down the street. It has become so popular that a number of sister sites have been spawned such as Overheard in the Office and Overheard at the Beach and a book of the most popular quotes has been published.
Sometimes they are standalone phrases, sometimes they edit a sign or an advert. CollegeHumor has become one of the most well-known comedy sites on the web. The site went live in and features an original series of pranks, mini-series, sketches, and animations. It was originally aimed at the college-aged demographic, and while that is still arguably its core purpose, it now has something to suit most tastes.
Sadly, it went off the air after just one season. The content itself is varied, covering everything from the English language to computer usage. Every single one of the works on the site requires a lot of dedication; in an interview with the Los Angeles Times in , Inman said each image took him around eight hours to produce.
Most family homes have at least one picture on the wall that makes you shudder each time you see it. Read More , 9GAG needs to be your first port of call. The site has also launched mobile apps on both iOS and Android, and now boasts a thriving Reddit-esque community. The funnies are organized by category and sub-category, with everything from the police to animals getting their own section.
If you want comic strips that are based in reality, look no further than Dilbert. It was first launched in and is now published in many national newspapers and magazines. Rich people crashing expensive supercars, skateboarders doing stupid things, and people walking into glass doors. There are lots of them on YouTube, but arguably the best dedicated website is epicfail. The creators upload tons of new stuff every day. It features both videos and pictures.
College Humor #bison | Now That's Funny! | Cheesy jokes, Funny pictures with captions, Animal jokes
Another geek favorite, xkcd is a webcomic which typically uses science, mathematics, and computers as its subject matter. People are represented as stickmen. It is the work of Randall Munroe, who uploaded the first batch of 13 sketches were posted way back in The site has led to three spin-off books. Cheezburger is a mix of funny videos, images, memes, and other easily digestible content. At one point, the site became so popular that it spun off into a reality TV show on Bravo. Who knew that photos of people shopping at Walmart could be so hilarious?!
The site is a seemingly endless catalog of people doing silly things, dressing in a peculiar way, or otherwise acting odd. You can even submit your own photos if you spot something worthy during one of your visits to the supermarket chain. There are thousands of sites out there, all of which want to make you laugh. Let us know your suggestions in the comments. So, to help you sort the wheat from the chaff, here are the 10 best comedy specials on Netflix right now.
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